What In The World?

Story Time - This weekend I was visiting my grandparents with my mom. On our way, we needed to stop to run a quick errand. I ran into the store as my mom stayed in the car, keeping it cool. As I navigated the aisles, I walked past a mom and her son. If I had to guess, he was between the ages of 7-10. Noticing me, I hear him exclaim “What in the world?” I hold my breath, trying not to react as I wait for the mom to respond, and all I hear is silence.

It’s true, silence can be deafening. 

I want to make it clear, just as I did in December 2020 when a similar incident occurred, I don’t think that, in this instance, the child was intending to be mean. I do think he had never seen a little person before and was trying to comprehend what he was seeing - someone shorter than him behaving like a grown-up, walking around a store without adult supervision, shopping for what she needs. And again, I can’t say for certain whether or not his mom actually saw “what” he was looking at. All I know is that she didn’t say anything…and neither did I.

Normally when someone either stops short or turns around to stare at me, I usually just smile until they turn away. If it’s a child, depending on our surroundings, I’ll wave and say hi. Sometimes I’ll watch the child try to get their parent’s attention, to have them look at me, to ask them to explain what they’re seeing. Usually the parent will tell the child to simply stop pointing, look at me apologetically, and try to move on with their day. Occasionally a child will ask me an innocent question directly, something along the lines of “Why are you so short?” When that happens I’ll explain that I just am, that I’m a little person. Often the child, though still a little confused, will accept this simple explanation.

Reflecting back on what happened December 2020 and now, I cannot fully answer as to why I didn’t say something. I’ve been stared at, pointed at, laughed at my entire life. I have had pictures taken of me without my consent. You would think that, after 27 years of being a little person in an average-height world, that I would, in a way, be used to it, that I would be used to being dehumanized, referred to as a “what” or a “that” instead of “who”. Yet when it happens, it always takes me aback, it almost always renders me speechless

Hindsight is almost always 20/20 - I wish I said something. I should have said something. After all, I created my platforms to have a space for voices to be heard, for people to feel seen. And yet, in the moment, I said nothing. Looking back even further, when my friend’s defended me at my cousin’s bachelorette party, I stayed silent. My initial reaction was to say nothing, to ignore it, to perhaps smile and wave and not let them know that they’ve hurt me.

I know that when I walk into a room that, despite being the shortest person, despite being easily overlooked, I stand out. I know that seeing a little person acting their age rather than their height does not always make sense. I know that cultural depictions of little people have perpetuated negative stereotypes - that dwarves are humanlike creatures such as elves, munchkins, etc., rather than actual human beings. I know that society still accepts the “m”-word as a part of its vocabulary. And yet, every time I’m pointed at, stared at, laughed at, it always hurts.

It always hurts.