Why Fashion? — Jillian Ilana

So, when did my interest in fashion start? While I don’t remember the exact date, only that it was in early 2005, I do remember the exact moment. I was in my parents bedroom channel surfing when I stumbled upon Bravo. On the screen were five designers scrambling to get their models runway ready as an impeccably dressed man was ushering them out the door. Something about the show caught my attention and I just had to keep watching. During the commercial break I learned the show was called Project Runway and it was, to quote then-host Heidi Klum, “the search for America’s next greatest fashion designer”.

I kept watching, captivated by the drama that was unfolding. After a few commercials the show came back and the five designers were seated in front of a runway as Heidi explained the challenge: to redesign the USPS uniform, making it both fashionable and functional. Before I knew it the fashion show started in that instant I knew I was hooked. Unconsciously, I began forming opinions about each look, surprising myself when I agreed with Heidi, Michael Kors, or Nina Garcia considering I had no idea who they were or why their opinion mattered. I remember feeling proud for having successfully predicted the winner of the challenge, shocked when the designer I liked the least was allowed to stay. Though I didn’t know it then, as I watched Heidi say “Auf Wiedersehen”, my passion for fashion was ignited.

At this point in my life I was finally able to fit in the clothes at Limited Too, a huge deal for a ten-year-old girl in the early 2000s. I remember walking out of that store with my first purchase and all the confidence in the world. Upon each return visit I would find the most fashionable mannequin, refusing to leave until I purchased the complete ensemble. I outgrew Limited Too around the same time it became Justice and soon discovered Delia’s. By that point I also stopped copying mannequins and began coming up with my own outfits, having figured out what I like and, perhaps more importantly, what I didn’t.

Project Runway remains a constant in my life as one of my primary sources of inspiration. I learned who the judges were and what made them fashion authorities. From Heidi I learned how to take smart, bold risks. Michael taught me how to appreciate the craft of a garment and that you can never go wrong with a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt and jacket. Nina taught me how to conceive a complete look and that no detail is insignificant. The designers showed me how much blood, sweat, and tears are shed in the pursuit of “being in”.

Yet, as much as I love the show, it frustrates me. Each crop of designers had to face a different set of challenges. Yet 18 seasons and counting and not once have they been tasked to design for someone with dwarfism. Women of all shapes and sizes- models, mothers, children- and men too, have been represented on the show...except little people. Maybe this season will prove me wrong and I will continue to watch until and after it does.

Tom Ford once said, “People will stare. Make it worth their while.” People certainly stare at me, they always have. So I dress, whether I’m going to the office, gym, or out to dinner, I pick out my outfit knowing that people will stare and see my dwarfism...but I want them to see me.