A (not so) Average Encounter

Throughout my entire life I have encountered people who treat me like I’m an exhibit on display rather than a person. People will point and stare, laugh as they whip their phone out to take a picture, call me “midget” rather than ask my name. I’ve had people offer me money to take a picture with me, use my head as an armrest, try to touch me as if I have no personal boundaries, etc. Confronting ignorance everyday is a part of my reality being a little person in an average-sized world. I’m no longer surprised by it. What is shocking is when an average-sized person fights back. 

Last March myself along with my cousin Ashley and five of her friends spent a weekend in New Orleans and it was certainly one to remember. I had never met her friends before and, upon arrival, immediately felt included. The first night we had a fancy dinner at Commander’s Palace followed by a night out on Bourbon Street. At one bar a group of girls started pointing, staring and laughing at me. Being a little person, I’m used to this behavior and learned to ignore it. What surprised me was when Kelsey, one of my cousin’s friends, immediately came to my defense, leaving me stunned.

I reached out to Kelsey and asked her to share her perspective on what transpired: 

The first night of the bachelorette party we went out to Bourbon St. I was nervous because I've heard so many mixed stories about New Orleans, so I think I was keeping my guard up and was more aware of mine and the group's surroundings, but I was also really excited in general. We bar hopped for a bit and a few people would do double takes now and again when we walked by, so I was feeling like our group was looking GOOD. 

Toward the end of the night we were looking to dance, and as we made our way to the DJ area of another bar, Jill was walking in front of me and another friend was behind me. All of a sudden, the woman walking past us on the left looked down at Jill, then turned and pointed at Jill as she smiled really wide and said something to her friend who was walking behind her. I instantly realized she was making a remark about Jill's size, so I turned around and leaned in close to the woman and her friend and interrupted and said something along the lines of "she's a f***ing person, keep walking," followed by the woman trying to say something back, and me repeating that Jill was a person and that she needed to keep walking. She was not pleased with me (my slightly tipsy memory is willing to bet she was a little bit pissed 🤣) but I turned around and kept walking because no one has time for that ignorant bullshit. 

I have to admit I was a bit naive before that moment; I've never thought of someone's differences as a thing to point out as a funny trait or as a joke, and I didn't think others did, either. I still like to think that most people aren't assholes, and hopefully that woman and anyone else who did a double take won't be rude like that to anyone else, but that situation definitely made me realize I have a lot left to learn about this world and the amazing people in it.

Fast forward to Sunday and we are all sitting outside in the French Quarter when a group of boys whose average age was 12 start walking past us. I hear whispers of “Oh, look at the little kid, look at the little kid”. I turn to face them and the kids immediately burst out laughing when they realize they’re mistaken. I gave them my usual smile and wave, hoping they would just walk away. 

Hannah, another one of my cousin’s friends, immediately leapt to my defense with a vehemence beyond my wildest dreams. She rightfully put those boys in their place and sent them on their way, rendering me speechless. Afterward, we had a heart-to-heart where I explained that behavior was not new to me. 

Here is what Hannah had to say… 

Jill, myself and a few other members of the bachelorette party were getting some fresh air outside of a bar, when a few delinquents (applauding myself for word choice as it could have been worse) approached us on the sidewalk. While we were minding our own business, one of them couldn't help but start making derogatory comments that knew would get a rise out of at least one of us. Unexpectedly in my eyes, these comments were pointed at Jill. 

While one shouldn't entertain verbally abusive comments made by children who likely have no at-home source of learning how to behave, I couldn't help it. Fueled by shock and disgust, I responded with some low blows myself out of protection of Jill. But, after they turned the corner, I realized they learned absolutely nothing from my negative response, likely only relishing in the fact they got what they originally wanted: a rise.

A more important personal learning was that Jill faces circumstances like these all the time. Scenarios that I could shake off may not have come so easily for Jill (though trust me, her level of composure was admirable). I wondered how long it took for her to grow that foundation of self-love and acceptance; blocking out public voices so insecure they resort to pulling down others solely based on physicality. I will never understand the courage that takes.

In final reflection of the situation, another realization was that people are given what they are given at birth, and Jill is not alone. There are laundry lists of characteristics deemed "unacceptable", "abnormal" or "different". Those similar to the boys on the sidewalk perceive these qualities as low hanging fruit, and use it against others in the form of bullying (when let's be honest, they offer nothing else meaningful to say). I find it hard to believe people like Jill are victims, however. None of us are if we learn to accept ourselves on both the inside and outside, surrounded by support of others. The rest is just background noise. 

Why was I so shocked (perhaps even more than the 12 year olds)? Because, in my twenty-five-years I have never seen someone, let alone two someones, who is neither family nor a lifelong best friend immediately, no, instinctually, stand up for me like that. Kelsey and Hannah, they were two girls I had just met, the only common thread connecting the three of us was my cousin. Yet, these two saw what was happening, knew it was wrong and knew what to do. More importantly, I was proud.

Reading their words brought tears to my eyes. Usually I struggle with making people understand how their words and actions can be hurtful yet, without having to say anything, Hannah, Kelsey and the rest of the bridal party immediately understood. 

To those who are meeting me for the first time: look me in the eye when you talk to me, it is okay to kneel down, never be afraid to ask questions and do not be ashamed for not knowing the answer. One of the most common questions I am asked is “Why is midget offensive?” After all there is midget football, midget yorkies, midget submarines, etc. The “m” word was created as a label used to refer to people of short stature who were on public display for curiosity and sport, over time becoming a derogatory slur. Call me a little person, call me a dwarf because that is what I am. Or, rather simply, call me Jillian.