Through My Brother's Eyes

My brother Ben is 3 years younger than me yet, for most of our lives, I’ve always looked up to him. It’s hard trying to be the older sister when your younger brother is a foot (or two) taller. Yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Ben certainly knows which buttons to press, as all little brothers do, but he is also the first to come to my defense. I wanted to interview him because I wanted to know what it’s really like to be the taller little brother.

WHEN DID YOU FIRST REALIZE I WAS A LITTLE PERSON?

I'm not really sure, to be honest. I just knew that I was taller than you at a young age. Mom and Dad always said you were, so I never really questioned it. One day, I guess, it just clicked in my head what exactly being a dwarf meant.

Do you remember how mom and dad explained my dwarfism to you?

Not specifically, but, knowing them, it probably had to do with stressing how normal it was and that it didn't make you any less of a person.

Growing up, what were your challenges with having a little person as an older sister? Both as a child and as a teenager/young adult. 

As a little kid, it didn't really affect me in any major ways. You were just my annoying older sister. As I got older, most of the issues came externally from people making jokes about you or asking me oddly dumb questions about dwarfs. I guess Mom and Dad certainly treated us differently, especially when you were going through any medical issues, but that's kind of to be expected anyway. No two kids will be raised the same, regardless of their personal issues.

Did you feel, as we got older, that you were charged as my protector? Did you feel like you had to protect me even if/when you didn't want to? 

While i certainly did get into a few fights and arguments on your behalf, it never felt like that huge of a responsibility. You were my sister, I could make fun of you. My good friends could make jokes about you, as long as I knew they meant well. Other people, people we didn't know or didn't like, that hadn't earned that type of relationship, I'd quickly defend you from. That's just what a brother does. It didn't matter if they were making fun of you for being a dwarf or for any other of the countless reasons a kid makes fun of somebody else. I wouldn't let them. 

Do you think, growing up, that we were parented differently? (Because I'm an LP and you are an AP)

Duh. Like i said earlier, no two kids will ever be raised the same. Hell, even twins will require different parenting from time to time. Just ask Mom (she’s a twin). Mom and Dad had to be a bit more proactive with you. I played a bunch of sports, even though I didn't even really care about them. It's just what I did because it was what all the boys my age did. I got to play each of them until I decided I was done. You played sports too, but you had to stop, whether you wanted to or not, when the physical limitations of being an LP got in the way. So, Dad spent a lot of time with you in the backyard, making sure you still felt like you got to be a part of the sports world. You two bonded over sports in ways I couldn't really appreciate, and that's fine, because it was what you needed. They were more proactive with your schooling too, partially because you needed more help than me, but also because they had to make sure that you were on an even playing field. You had limitations and issues I didn't, but the same could be said for me as well. That's just how life is.

Do you feel like they were ever not there for you? 

Not in the slightest. Come on. Have you met our parents? Sure, they were definitely more attentive to your needs and issues, but that's not because they prioritized you. Your issues were more outwardly visible and you were more emotionally expressive about them. If anything, I did a lot to keep their eyes on you and off of me. This was for two reasons. First, I was, and still can be, very stubborn about keeping my emotions and my problems to myself. I didn't want them to feel like they had to help me with anything, because I should've been able to deal with my own issues. Second, and probably more importantly, a lot of your problems that needed their attention were things that were out of your control, but still negatively affected you. The world still doesn't know how to properly accommodate you and treat you as an equal, and that definitely caused a lot of issues for you, medically and socially, while growing up. I didn't have those same outside problems, so taking their attention from you felt like I was contributing to your issues and distracting Mom and Dad with things that they didn't need to worry about.

We only were in school together for one year. Did people comment on it? What about when you got older and we were not in the same school? 

When we were in school together, I was in first grade. Nobody commented on you at all. It just didn't come up. As I got older, the only people who ever really mentioned it were teachers that you'd had, but they only talked about you as a student and compared and contrasted us in those ways. It didn't seem to be any different than how other younger siblings interact with their older siblings' former teachers.

Did you ever feel like in school or in any other social setting that you had to hide the fact that I was a little person or that I was different in order for you to fit in? 

NO. I honestly didn't care. You are who you are, and if I felt the need to mention you, I owned it. People could either accept it, or not, but I never understood why it should affect anyone's opinion of me. I barely understand why it should affect anyone's opinion of you. You were my older sister, and I had plenty of reasons to be embarrassed by you, or not want to publicize you, but your dwarfism was never one of them. Being ashamed of you for something you had no choice in and have no control over just seems so stupid. Like I said, you were directly responsible for many of your more embarrassing qualities. Dwarfism was just a part of who you were, like being female, being white, or being American. You just came out that way.

Growing up, you went to a lot of LPA events when you were younger. What was that like for you? 

Boring, and very confusing when I was little. I try my best to be social and outgoing in new situations, but it's hard when you're 8 years old and you have no clue how old everyone around you is. When you're 8, a 13 year old feels like a full grown adult, so not being able to gauge anyone's age, in general, made trying to do so at a convention of dwarfs a lot more difficult. I spent a lot of time just by myself or with Mom and Dad. It wasn't that bad. The conventions were for you, not me, and so long as I had access to a TV, I was pretty set. Occasionally, like with the Brooklyn convention, Dad would take me out and we'd have our own day together, which I always enjoyed. Besides, everyone in LPA was really friendly. APs (average-sized persons) like me were never ostracized by the community and they gave me all the opportunities to mix and mingle. I just didn't necessarily know who I was supposed to mingle with.

Did you ever feel like mom and dad were dragging you to LPA or did you like going to LPA?

It's kind of an odd mix between the two. I never really disliked going to LPA, but I knew that it wasn't really my place. I was just brought along to support you and because I was too young to be left alone. I didn't particularly mind, but I was never exactly excited for the trips though. Once I was old enough to stop going, I did, and I don't really regret that, because I never prevented you from going. If you'd wanted me to keep going to them, I would've, but it just didn't seem like I had to. I kind of compare it to your old dance stuff, although I know it's a loose comparison. What I mean is that I was brought along solely to support you, and I was fine with that, but once the choice became mine, I simply stopped.

Did you ever feel like it was unfair that I got to go to these places (LPA) and do these things? 

No. You were a dwarf. It was a dwarf convention. It would've been unfair for you to have been excluded. People have their own things. That's how life is.

Do you feel like there are lines even you can't cross when it comes to humor? Around me and around other LPs? 

As Mom always says, "know your audience." I personally feel like humor doesn't really have boundaries and that if it's okay to joke about one thing or person, or group of people, then it has to be okay to joke about everything and everyone. The importance of humor is that it's a shared experience between all parties. It's kind of this weird agreement everyone makes where someone can say the most outlandish things that would and should never be uttered outside of this specific context, but within it, it's okay. The people you're with play the most important part in humor. You have to be aware and respectful of other people's sensibilities. There are jokes I say around you that I wouldn't say around other LPs, unless I knew that they'd be okay with it. Likewise, there are jokes I say that I wouldn't say to you. It's all about the environment in which a joke is said. Everything can be funny, so long as everyone agrees that it can be. If even one person has an issue with that topic, just joke about a different one.

Was it hard to defend me? 

Yes, but never because of your dwarfism. Only due to your personality.  

Were there ever times when you wished I wasn't a dwarf? 

Sure. Tons. Every time you had to quit something you loved, or were told you couldn't do something to begin with. Every time you were excluded, ignored, ridiculed, or bullied. Whenever your life was made unnecessarily more difficult because of something that isn't your, or anyone's, fault.

What advice would you give to an AP sibling of an LP? They could be older or younger. 

Treat your sibling like a sibling first and foremost. If they annoy you, annoy them back. If they're good to you, be good to you. If somebody picks on them, for anything, defend them, and expect them to do the same for you. There's an entire world out there that is going to view and treat them as an LP first and foremost, instead of just treating them as a person. They don't need you adding on to that. If you start at home, treating them the same way you'd treat anyone else, then, hopefully, they'll know that that's what they should expect and require from everyone else. If their own family can't see beyond their dwarfism, how can they expect anyone else too.

What advice would you give to any AP meeting an LP for the first time? 

Meet the person first. It's perfectly fine, and normal, to have questions and be curious, but you're meeting a human being, not an interactive museum exhibit for dwarfism. Treat them the same as you'd treat anybody else, because they're the same as anybody else. They have interests, wants, and needs that aren't based solely around their dwarfism. I've never met a dwarf who hasn't been willing to answer questions and talk openly about their lives as dwarfs, but that doesn't mean that they exist to serve that purpose for you. If you don't get to know and appreciate them for who they are as individuals, then you can't truly appreciate who they are as a dwarf.